I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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