Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
