we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
