haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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