You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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