We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize