I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
