her vagine was all disorganized.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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