Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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