I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
