For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
