I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
50% drunk capacity currently
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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