The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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