Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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