She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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