i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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