I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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