he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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