Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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