she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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