I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
