yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
