Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
