the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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