where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
