i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
