i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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