Duck Duck Cougar?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
