so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
