I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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