Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
