I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
