Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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