We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
whose ass print is on the piano?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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