I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
