Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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