Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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