Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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