I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
