When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
