The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
