I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
