Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
