It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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