My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
