If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
