she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
