can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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