bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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