i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
