You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
