I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
