Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
