he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I could make wine with my vomit
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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