I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
