I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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