First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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