so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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