careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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