i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
