I heard we made out
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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