And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
