My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
