he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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