she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
