I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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