I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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