hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
