Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
