Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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