Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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