There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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